Lynn R.

This is the first one I've written since I started this blog yesterday!  Anywho...

A few weeks ago, Lynn introduced me to pho.  I haven't looked back.  In fact, I may be borderline obsessed.  I say borderline, simply because I have an example of someone (Lynn) who is truly obsessed and I feel I have not (yet) reached that level (the waiter still gives me a menu).  Since, we have of course came up with many exciting uses of "pho" in words.  "Pho q".  "Pho pas".  "PHOOOO-bulous!!!"  "Phocus!"  I can't remember them all...  I am introducing a new one now, with this (verse 1) parody of Notorious B.I.G.'s....Notorious B.I.G.  Note:  Biggie, I have now discovered, makes no f'ing sense in his structure and is near impossible to do this for while maintaining any semblance of a storyline.  Olive Garden soup references are due to our soup-off in which we battled for who could eat the most endless soup bowls at Olive Garden.  It unexcitingly ended in a 4-4 tie where I forfeit when she went to order a 5th (ok so, not a tie--shut up!)

I choose this picture to steal from her facebook because its Roger Bernadina!  WOO go nats!

"Photorious L.R.Chai"

  

The doctor said I need about three weeks of recovery

For this food inside of me

Sayin the best part of the day is the challenge

Spoon feedin' me bowls, and givin me breadsticks

Chickas said I died dead in my seat

Chicka I'm gettin by, burnin calories on the beach

Chillin, sittin on about half a dozen bowls

With all ma jiggaz, all my soup, all my choc'la' milk

Next two trips, I should eat about a billion

All for the love of Olive Garden

Got no love for the other side, fuck them entrees (fuck them)

Any more cussin', Junior M.A.F.I.A. spit shits (thats right)

All the time, Thai Mama kick the Glee rhymes

Frozen raw fish, and thats how it goes

PHOTORIOUS!

C'mon...we are, we are

PHO, PHO, PHO, PHOTORIOUS!

She is...she is...

PHO, PHO, PHO, PHOTORIOUS!

Jen S.

Jen-NAY!  A song dedicated to her facebook page.

Her name is Jen motha f'in Shizzarp,
And I'm 'bout to write her anthem.
Here we go! 

Born on nine-nine like she divine,
She hails from (what!) bensalem, pennsylvania,
Got a sis (sis, wha!) who goes by Joanne
Interested in men (like, wha!) and conservative as ish,
Livin it up where its (its, wha!?) always sunny.

She likes Journey (dont stop!), Sinatra, Madonna and Queen
Whitesnake (here we go like wha!), Jay-Z, Kanye and Petty
Sittin' on the couch, watchin (wha!?) them shows
From Seinfeld, Greys, GH to the Sopranos.

She got a fever (like wha!) and only one prescription,
Ringin that cow bell (say wha?), more more more
She loves them codes left behind by Leonardo Da Vinci,
But that ain't stoppin her from screamin "Watch out, Dumbledore!"




Follow up:  Her sister commented.  So...I wrote this for her sis!


Dearest Joanne,
Whom I cannot live without,
Ever since our love began,
To you I have been utterly devout.

Please believe the ring is worthy,
And that you have no need to worry,
For our time shared together has been precious,
Thus our love shared together is priceless.

Miriam B.

Miriam.  I wanted to creatively give her a gift.  That gift was hidden in a drawer.  Thus, treasure hunting directions were given.  Each 4 lines is a card leading to the next.

Twas the first of the cards

to direct you today,

best of luck in your endeavors,

that you may not become astray.  

Tis the second card,

that you have now found,

For the third,

You must look under something round.  

The endeavor continues,

With a first clue,

Flip over this card,

and look in a brown shoe. 

Your skills are clear,

and that is duly noted,

Perhaps you should recall,

The day upon which we voted. 

You've found the day,

And should never fear the night,

For you have this soft fabric,

To wrap around you tight.  

If you get ill,

Shannon's tissues are of use,

For when your nose pipes

have become seemingly loose.

Pinned behind uranium,

Is a clue and more,

If you do not find it that would be a shame-ium,

I bet you laughed at that joke for SURE.

Before we complete,

You look like your hungry,

So if you would please,

Put some JB's in your tummy.

Inside a printer unused,

the last clue did reside,

giving direction,

to the thing i did hide.

Amy P. 3

Amy was hogging all my creative skills.  Damn her.   Date Oct 5, 2009.

Livin' it up in A-town,
Made better by the people i'm around,
Livin' it up while I got this roommate,
She so fly, she so great.

Months ago our story begins to unveil,
Out on our journey of awesomness we did set sail,
I kicked your ass on the track,
And you wore me out with intervals to get back.

Now we's all tight as can be,
You's ma homie fo' life and I's yo' G.
So's I got one question before this nonsense is done,
Are you ready for a run?

Jason B. 2

So, sometimes Jason doesn't feel like chicken, couscous and vegetables.  That is when Pasta Day happens!






ya heard my last track
now let me spin this beat
promise this one aint whack

yeah its the sequel
bout to make you drool
as i spit this hit
that's totally legit

cuz yesterday's C.C.V.
dont compare with whatchu see
meatballs o' turkey
mixed with spaghetti

cuz its pasta day,
hope that's okay
oh, please dont mind me
grabbin barilla from aisle three

could have chipotle
with forty GRAMS OF FAT
or i could have macdonalds
would you likes fries with that?

but that aint me,
i dont eat that crap
secret of my dietary skills
even Healthy Choices can't unwrap

so grab a pen
and get ready to write
i'm bout to blow your mind
with this major insight

step one) carb up
thats with couscous or rice
potatoes work too
and pasta's always nice

step two) protein up
thats where the chicken comes in
turkey eaters a go-go
pig and cow products a sin

know your fats and which to eat
bacon fat will knock you off your feet
eat that omega-3 packed tuna
so you aint left in a coma

step three) vitamins and nutrients
mama's right, finish your vegetables
green means green light
and they're amazingly tasteful

with these three steps
you will find meals to prepare
whose counterparts' value
just don't compare

you got your C.C.V,
Your turkey meatballs and spaghetti,
,,,your....

i'll get back to you with more,
so many options to explore
but please, please, please don't implore
do i look like an information whore?

i'm bout done with this
best of luck to you all
if you dare to experience the bliss
but now its time to be enthralled

cuz its pasta day,
hope that's okay
oh, please dont mind me
grabbin barilla from aisle three

Kim S.

Kim came back into my life yay!

There once was a time when I lived in delaware,
We lost touch as if we didn't care,
But while apart our friendship we did repair,
Mending this connection that we share.

The story starts with a trip to Hibachi,
Don't think I can think of a rhyme? Watch me.
Upward and onward to a spitting Javert,
To now blabbering on to you about my hair.

Gchatting at work, entertainment for free,
Hows it going? Where is Mr. Coffee?

Jason B.

Jason loves some chicken, with a side of couscous as well as another side of vegetables.  As this song clearly states...

i walked in ma place,
and wouldnt ya know-
my stomach growlin at me,
it's time to go, go
step in the kitchen,
to make some mo', mo'.

food is what i need,
to keep me goin strong,
dont like bein weak,
when i aint had none for too long,
so i like to choose somethin
where i just can't go wrong.

its gotta be healthy,
its gotta be legit,
i don't want no food
that's gonna make me quit,
i wanna be able to stand
after i eat and go to sit.

yeah i'm talkin bout that
CHICKEN
COUSCOUS
and VEGETABLES

sing it with me
talkin bout that
CHICKEN
COUSCOUS
and VEGETABLES

brocolli is today's vegetable
carrots for tomorrow
if i dont have green beans soon
i will be full of sorrow
gimme some corn and peas
or at least let me borrow

so i can make that
CHICKEN
COUSCOUS
and VEGETABLES

say it again
CHICKEN
COUSCOUS
and VEGETABLES

what what what
CHICKEN
COUSCOUS
and VEGETABLES

Amy P. 2

This might be one of the few ones that accidentally ended in a serious poem....  Oops.

She might have flown across the Atlantic,
Or perhaps to the Philippines,
Did she have hopes of improving her gaelic?
Or maybe dreams to visit the Cappella Sistina?

Departure: Washington, D.C.
On that dreary July morn'
Destination: So far away from me
Determined to be reborn

It's funny that to this day
I can't accept that she's gone
No disappointment to downplay
When I'll see her at tomorrow's dawn

So deep down I pretend,
Though I know the truth,
That her vacation will soon end
And my anxiousness will be soothed

She could be anywhere
Boarding that flight to return
Or maybe she is already midair
Ending her brief sojourn

In the meantime I'll sit waiting
Spontaneously writing stupid things
Stifling my heart's aching
As my bestestest spreads her wings

Regina P.

Regina....  We used to play one-on-one uno.  

dearest miss pham,
when are we going to jam?
you know i miss playing games,
wishin' everything remained the sames...

no more uno,
no more skipping.
no more reversing,
no more flipping...

cards over from the deck,
tryin to get ma hand in check
neverending quest to have no mores
while you keep layin down draw fours

so sup, what's the word, when can i bask in your presence?
i mean, damn son, i haven't even seen your new place of residence!
maybe go for a drink or a dinner so hot and candlelit,
or we can even just drive around and scream "HELMET!!"

Kristen C.

No idea wtf this one is about.  Dated December 11, 2007.



so you think just cuz you won the dance off that you can go ahead and prance off?
stick an asterisk next to your name, your dance was won in shame.
voters feelin bad for ya gave you the edge, your about to be knocked of the ledge,
of your pedestal when the truth comes out, then all the people will know what you's about.
so i challenge you to a rematch--where you at? i'd love to know what you think about that.
First time I was feelin up the competition, now i know about your ammunition,
so do you got the ambition to accept a rematch in my kitchen?
you're gonna be bitchin when i charge you a commission
for the moves i envision and unleach without compassion
so start a petition cuz the moves you gonna see will have your head spinnin'
wont be believin what you seein
hopin you dreamin, on the floor screamin
no body's comin to save you today, your dance is too yesterday
so what you say son, you ready for a rematch?
this time for all the marbles, i got an ego to patch

Kristen K.

A friend started running and was slacking.  Unacceptable.






Hey! Keffdawg!
Lace up them shoes
And get on the road.
Get your mind off the brews
Your dedication is slowed!

Its been a while
I hope your ankle is healed
And aint crampin' your style
Causing this yield.

November 17th!?
That's approaching three weeks!
Get that trail beneath
Start that running streak.

Your fans demand it
Would you disappoint them?
Dont you care quit!
Unless you want another bad poem.

Amy P.

Amy, my ex-roommate who decided to up and relocate to Honduras for a year to volunteer to teach english, is the subject of this post.  This is not the only one for Amy, but probably my favorite of all time.  Amy vs. Wild details her many adventures in Honduras, learning spanish and teaching english to the kiddies.  Fruits and Veggies, titled below, is my detailed Gin and Juice parody I wrote for her.  Verse 3 was delivered to her in an epic care package.

"Fruits and Veggies"

With so much rain in the Honduree
Its kinda hard being Amy versus W-i-l-d
But she, somehow, some way
Keeps postin funky ass blogs like every single day
May, she, post a little story of the day (yeah)
And make a few friends (yeah!) as she breeze through
Two weeks of rain and the clouds still dumpin
Cuz that's how they do.
She got children in the class room gettin their learn on
And they aint leavin til six more minutes is done (six minutes is done)
So what you wanna do, sheeeit
She got a bag full of school supplies and her homegirls do too
So turn on the lights and close the doors
But (but what?) we don't love them bugs, yeah!
So we gonna go through lesson plans
Boys down, girls down, while she takes mother f'ing attendance

Rollin down the street, riding bitch, bouncin on fruits and veggies,
Laid back (with her mind on her spanish and her spanish on her mind)
Rollin down the street, riding bitch, bouncin on fruits and veggies,
Laid back (with her mind on her spanish and her spanish on her mind)

Now, that, she got herself some rice and beans,
Everybody got their plates, but they aint chipped in
This type of ish happens all the time
You gotta get yours but fool she's gotta get hers
Everything is fine when you eatin with the w-i-l-d
She got the culinary skills that be captivating he
Who eats, the food that she bakes
As she places her a pan in the middle of the oven
And get to heatin on this dish named cinnabun (cinnabun?)
Used to be her homegirl's recipe (oh, that dish)
350 degrees when she tell that bread please
Raise up off these pans evenly greased,
Cause you stick to none of these
At ease, as she grub with the Guaruma's, taste the pastries
Be-atch, she just

Rollin down the street, riding bitch, bouncin on fruits and veggies,
Laid back (with her mind on her spanish and her spanish on her mind)
Rollin down the street, riding bitch, bouncin on fruits and veggies,
Laid back (with her mind on her spanish and her spanish on her mind)

Later on that day,
Her homey mailman came through with a box to make 'er say "hooray!"
And a Jason C.D., of some crazy sick lyric that made her stoked
Shit, this ain't no joke
She had to jack up the volume and sit her butt down
Listen to the music, yeah she awestruck now
But it aint stoppin, she still flopping
Scully sent other things from the city of Arlington
To serve her, with a cherry on top
Cause when she open the box, she raisin up off the cot
Girl won't get upset, that's not how it goes
She love them dried mangos, she want some mo'
 
Rollin down the street, riding bitch, bouncin on fruits and veggies,
Laid back (with her mind on her spanish and her spanish on her mind)
Rollin down the street, riding bitch, bouncin on fruits and veggies,
Laid back (with her mind on her spanish and her spanish on her mind)

Nikki E.

In a day that has long since passed, Nikki lived in the NOVA/DC area.  We did not hang out enough.  Dated October 5, 2009.

Hello neighbor,
This hiatus I abhor,
When shalt we hang once more?

It seems like only yesterday,
When I last was in your presence,
But in actuality it must have been yesteryear
When began your absence.

So lets get our drank on,
In the not too distant future,
Rekindle this friendship,
so we can stop living in error.

Mia O.

A friend (hi Kristen!) recommended that I start this page and mentioned that I'd wrote one for Mia.  I did not recall, and facebook, where I usually post these, verified it was so!  Thus, this will be the first of many.  Dated March 2, 2010.  Below we see myself and Mia from January 20th, 2011'ish, jamming out as an awesome Scrabble team pre-losing horribly.

Chromatically tuned new strings so sweet,
As you read this please add a fitting beat.
I got some things I need to discuss,
To make sure that ten miles is joyous.

Slowly but surely the days are passing,
The difficulties of reaching the end are amassing,
I need to know that you are getting prepared,
So you don't end the day completely despaired.

Not once, not twice, but thrice a week,
Increasing your mileage you must seek.
Off days are to be spent working on your physique,
Are you putting effort into improving your technique?

I hope you are focusing on the goal at hand,
It is important that you make a personal stand.
Kick ass and reap the benefits beyond,
Then you can focus on other things to which you are fond.

So, to wrap this up,
Yeah, I'm bored at work, but, sup?
Hows geetar comin, you shredding with the best?
Gotta be rockin now with all that zest!

Prefix

Hello World!  For years I have been randomly writing poetry, or whatever the hell you want to call it really, to creatively tell friends things.  Be it that they should do something, that I miss them, that they are awesome, or whatever else I feel like.  If I felt inspired at that instant when I wanted to tell them that thing, I would do it poetically.  Maybe I am a dork, a weirdo, slightly crazy, mildly crazy, moderately crazy, whatever it may be, but so be it.

Enjoy!